Amazing True Stories
Man Killed By Rats
This story was reported on a radio station in Fremantle Western
Australia and later investigated by a student reporter from Perth, it
hasn't been published until now.
The radio report transcribes as follows:
"A man in his early thirties died in hospital today after being
discovered in his downtown Antique restoration workshop suffering from
severe groin injuries. He was barely conscious after an apparent
accident when paramedics rushed him to
Fremantle Royal Infirmary
where he died of his injuries."
THAT'S FUNNY BECAUSE FREMANTLE IS IN PERTH!!1! AND
PERTH IS FUNNY!
MacKenzie later discovered that the man Bruce Coltrane, had been
found by his wife after she had heard cries of agony coming from the
workshop. The temperature on that day was well into the 40's -
Coltrane was enjoying an ice cold Coca Cola.
THAT'S FUNNY BECAUSE "SEVERE GROIN INJURIES"!!!1!
MacKenzie believes that the man became aroused by the heat and
possibly boredom and started to masturbate.
THAT'S FUNNY BECAUSE 40 IS ACTUALLY QUITE COLD!!1!!1!!
During his session he decided to experiment with self-piercing by
hammering thin nails into his foreskin.
I'M HOT AND BORED RIGHT NOW, IKYWMW!!1!
He apparently slipped and missed the nail hitting the gland of his
penis with the
2 pound hammer
splitting it wide open.
AS YOU DO!
In the shock of what he had done he reached for the Coke and poured
the cooling liquid on to his bleeding member whilst staggering towards
HAW HAW C00TER!11! HE HIT HIS PEANUS WITH A HAMMER!1!!
What happened next defies believe.
And let me tell you, that takes COORDINATION to do both of those
things at the same time! OR SO I'VE HEARD!
Coltrane's pain was so
extreme that he passed out and fell to the floor,
I BELIEVE IT!
It's understood that he woke several hours later to discover to his
horror that not only his penis but his scrotum and testicles
What a GURL! He must of been from N00 Y01K OR SUMMINK!
The investigation revealed that the blood and sugary drink had
attracted rats which had proceeded to feast on the unconscious mans
exposed genitalia even delving into the soft flesh of his intestine
only stopping when he came round. Bleeding profusely he cried for
help and later died from shock and loss of blood. Nasty.
I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS!!1
UPDATE: Police now believe that the rats which ate Mr
Coltrane's peanus and testerkals were actually baby lobsters dressed
up in rat suits.
THAT'S FUNNY BECAUSE ALL MEN WORKSHIP THERE PEANUSSES AND HE GOT
HIS PEANUSE EATEN OFF BY RATS!11!! HOW'S THAT FOR A HEADJOB!1!
Amazing but TRUE
If you want to comment on this story, please
somebody else's guestbook. Sorry, I am too lazy to get my own
guestbook. Make sure you write in BIG LETTERS that you're commenting
on my site to avoid confusion!
Copyright 2002 Beable van Polasm
Back to Amazing TRUE Stories