Amazing True Stories
Baby Lobsters Implicated In Truck Crash
Rat poison threat to seals and dolphins
Date: 24/05/2001
A trailer packed with rat poison plunged into the sea yesterday and
threatened one of the world's most famous feeding grounds for
dolphins, seals and whales.
Whales: the rats of the sea.
Eighteen tonnes of the poison fell into the sea after a truck
crashed on the coastal highway and spilled the trailer it was
towing into the water off Kaikoura on New Zealand's South Island.
Yes, it "crashed". No suspicious plankton were found at the scene of
the "crash".
Kaikoura is one of the few places in the world where whales can be
seen feeding near the shore throughout the year. It is home to
large colonies of dolphins and seals, and attracts tourists from
around the world.
The driver said "I'm sick of those fat plankton-murdering whale
BASTARDS exterminating jillions of fluffy cute fuzzy plankton every
day! Let this be a lesson to the whales! They can take away some of
our planktonic comrades, but they can't take away... OUR FREEDOM!".
Public health protection officer Paul Schoolderman said the poison
- brodifacoum pellets - would not immediately kill sea creatures
because it was a slow release kind.
He went on to say that unless the obese cetacean maniacs immediately
release all of our little planktonic buddies being held in captivity,
next time the truck will be carrying a much more dangerous poison like
arsenic, cyanide, or bleach mixed with ammonia.
Although it posed a threat to marine life it was not dangerous to
humans. Local fishermen were warned not to lift lobster pots or
nets in the area, because the spill drifted into waters off the
coast.
Baby lobsters have been eating the rat poison and are believed to now
have the following super-powers: flying, jumping, x-ray vision, toilet
swimming, stealthy like a ninja, and peanus eating.
Police were horrified when they pulled the truck driver's corpse from
the ruined vehicle when they noticed that the man's peanus had been
EATEN OFF BY BABY LOBSTERS! Detective Inspector Bob
McRipple said that in his thirty years of policing he had never seen
anything so disgusting. "My best officers were projectile vomiting
like those fountains at that Las
Vegas casino. And these are people who routinely bite the heads
off kittens just for fun!"
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Amazing but TRUE
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Copyright 2002 Beable van Polasm
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