Amazing True Stories
Mother and Son killed by Baby Lobsters
My friend's younger brother went out with a woman last week. He
still lives at home and so it was a big deal for him.
His mother was dead against him going out that evening because he
had an interview for a new job first thing in the morning. However,
he went out promising that he would be back early.
He should get his own pad, and fill it up with inflatable
furniture. Like the stuff that Kibo
said is "No good" when Nick
wanted to buy some, but later Kibo bought a WHOLE BUNCH of inflatable
stuff for himself.
He and the woman went out for a drink, danced a bit at a local club
You should listen to your mother.
and she invited him back for "coffee."
STOP TALKING ABOUT DANCING! SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO LEGS!!11
After the usual drinking "coffee" and listening to Motown, they ended
up in bed for a bit of horizontal jogging.
"Coffee" is a new brand of coffee made out of belly-button fluff.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, they both have a fantastic
time. Raunchy, filthy sex. However, it's now about three am so his
brother says "I have to go home because I've gotta work in the
The woman takes him to the front door of her flat and as they're
walking through the main room, she sees her knickers lying on the
floor. "Here," she says giving them to him, "take these to remind
you of me."
Which was A LIE! He actually had a JOB INTERVIEW in the morning.
REMEMBER THAT! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL LIES TO A WOMAN THAT
YOU JUST DID JIGGY-JIG WITH!
He stuffs them in his pocket and leaves, promising to phone.
Chyx ALWAYS do that. You
should make sure that you've got LOTS OF POCKETS before going out with
a chyk, so that you will have plenty of room to carry all the panties
He wakes up at 7 am in the morning feeling like shit. However, he's
got the normal morning stiffy.
WHICH WAS PROBABLY ANOTHER LIE!
He starts thinking of the night before and becomes even more
As you do.
Then he remembers the woman's knickers in his pocket. He takes them
out and sniffs them.
As you do!
The memories flood back. So, he's certainly going to have a quick
hand job at this moment but wants to have both hands free. So he
puts the knickers over his head so that the gusset is over his
nose. This obscures his eyes but he continues. But then he thinks it
would be better if he had some music, so he put his Walkman on
playing BROWN SUGAR really loud and has a pretty satisfactory hand
job, and it feels all wet and messy "down there". After a short
rest, he takes the knickers off his head so he can find the
kleenex. However, he sees a cup of coffee and two slices of toast on
his bed side table. His mother has come in and brought him his
breakfast so he won't miss his important interview. Then he notices
that his peanus is covered in BLOOD and BLOOD is spurting out from
a little red veiny thing that looked completely normal just before!
He dipped his peanus into the coffee thinking that the heat might
cauterise the wound, but it kept bleeding! He got the two pieces
of toast and tried to use them as a bandage, but it was still
bleeding! He raced into the toilet to get some toilet paper, stepping
over the body of his mother lying dead on the floor. As he was
reaching for the roll of toilet paper, he noticed that the toilet
bowl was full of baby lobsters! They were attracted by the strawberry
jam on his peanus and leapt out of the toilet bowl and ATE HIS PEANUS!
Then most of the baby lobsters hid in his buttcrack while one baby
lobster dialed Nine One One and then the medics came and they
took him and his mother to the morgue and put them on slabs because
they were both dead, he was dead because of baby lobsters ate his
peanus and his mother was dead because of she had lots of baby lobsters
coming out of her twat from where she was masturbating with a lobster
and then a night-shift morgue worker came in and he had just had
surgery to get a replacement peanus after his previous peanus
was eaten by baby lobsters and he wanted to do some necrophilia
but he didn't go for the mother because of what happened last
time so he rolled over the son and did some necro-sodomy and the
baby lobsters hiding in the son's buttcrack ATE HIS PEANUS OFF!!1!
AS YOU DO!
Amazing but TRUE
Send a message to me NOW!!!
Copyright 2002 Beable van Polasm
Back to Amazing TRUE Stories