One morning around 5am 22 year old Denora Franklin of Boston Massachussets,
woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had
diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was
urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea,
just out the wrong hole.
I bet all the gurls say that. That's because they WORKSHOP THEIR
She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted
into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard.
AND BELIEVE ME, I'VE HEARD A FEW HORRIFIC MESSY FARTING NOISES!
Or um... so I've heard.
In paralyzing pain, Ms. Franklin for the next few minutes continued
to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and
filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.
She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police.
And here's the lesson in this story. DON'T LIVE NEXT TO NOSY
When medics arrived they found Ms. Franklin unconscious lying on the
floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down
her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup.
STOP CAKEHOLING CHOCOLATE PUDDING AND MINT TOPPING!
The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left
leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her
out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg
to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a
creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of
her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.
Sort of like what you hear from your Rice Bubbles or Cocoa Pops
when you pour milk on them.
Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on
the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny baby
lobster and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while
flipping itself back and forth.
As lobsters do.
The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea
Because HE HAD EATEN LOBSTER FOR LUNCH!!!1
When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so
horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without
in laughter. Yes, somebody had written the funniest joke in
the world inside the toilet. BASTARDS!
The entire toilet bowl was boiling with brown baby lobsters flipping
and splashing at a furious pace. If you think that is bad - wait
until you hear how it happened:
I don't think that's bad. Why would I think it was bad to have a
toilet full of YUMMY YUMMY LOBSTERS?
Ms. Franklin's official death was the result of a combination of
shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain
and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell,
smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor. It is believed
by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had
purchased a live lobster at a fish market. She asked for a specially
genetically-engineered lobster which was highly trained to flip its
tail for many minutes when its face is exposed to heat.
As you do.
While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into
her vagina to derive pleasure.
As you do.
At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing
it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. She used her special
lighter that works underwater, which she bought from the local
Submarine Chandlers Shoppe.
AS YOU DO!
The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was
positioned on a table in front of the tub. The lobster was found in
the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of
Ms. Franklin's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs
that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints. The
lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in the
special submarine lighters which work underwater. They also found her
diary, where she recorded all her thoughts and feelings. In her
tapedeck was a cassette tape which she used to record the sound of
all bathroom activity, which she would later sell at the markets and
by mail order.
And my dear Holmes, when you eliminate the IMPOSSIBLE, whatever
remains, HOWEVER IMPROBABLE, must be THA TRUTH!
The lobster's digestive tract and colon were found to be full of
baby lobsters egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had
eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are
usually harmlessly boiled to death)
Oh yeah, being BOILED TO DEATH wouldn't harm ANYTHING!
and the lobster had pooed them out into Ms. Franklin's twat when she
was torturing it. Maine baby lobsters only take two days to gestate
and Ms. Franklin was only four days away from getting her period,
doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb
was the perfect pH balance to grow these baby lobsters. Overnight the
eggs had hatched and the baby lobsters began doubling in size every
ten minutes. You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up
that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 baby lobsters in her
YOU CAN IMAGINE THAT CAN'T YOU!!!
The medics took her back to New York Central Morgue. She was lying on
the slab at night, and a night-shift worker was bored. He decided that
a spot of necrophilia was in order, and unfortunately, he chose Ms
Franklin's corpse. While he was going "at it", he felt a strange tingly
tickling feeling on the end of his peanus. After he was finished, he
pulled out only to find that the baby lobsters had EATEN HIS PEANUS!!
AND THAT'S FUNNY BECAUSE ALL MEN WORSHIP THEIR PEANUSES AND BABY
LOBSTERS ATE HIS PEANUS AND LOBSTERS ARE FUNNY! AND SO ARE BABIES!
AND SO ARE PEANUSES!